Yesterday, I did something that I truly love: gave a workshop about blogging*. Offering it at my local library made it all the more yummy for me because I believe public libraries are one of the greatest inventions ever.
But Mother Nature almost spoiled it – it’s March in Atlanta and IT SNOWED. It’s supposed to be spring! The signs are here: warmer light, daffodil tips, hopeful buds.
All day, I wondered if the library would close early and cancel the program. And part of me wished it would: snow, sleet, panic!
As a native Southerner, I am terrified of driving in winter weather. I have an over-the-top fear of the dreaded Black Ice. My Inner PowerPoint flashed images of me skidding off in a ditch and hiking out with my laptop and my projector bag.
And then I had a thought: I am going to be a freakin’ mailman**.
“Neither snow nor rain nor heat nor gloom of night stays these couriers from the swift completion of their appointed rounds.”
I had an appointed round and I was determined to be that courier. The Black Ice Fear wasn’t gone but I asked it nicely to, well, chill. I was willing. I was open. I wanted to deliver the goods much, much more than I wanted to be scared of ice that might not even be there.
About a dozen wonderful people summoned their mettle and made it to the presentation. I learned a huge thing from them: wise, older women are about to BUST OUT as bloggers. They had great questions and inspiring topics. The energy of the group left me buzzing. If I had choked and canceled early, well, that would have been tragic. Not über-evening-news-tragic, just tragic that our sparks would have missed each other.
This pattern of dreaming about doing something truly sparky and then hitting the crazy Black Ice Fear at the moment of fruition is totally predictable. And, yet, it’s so easy to consistently be shocked when it happens.
Here’s my confession: deep down, I had a fear of something worse than Black Ice. I was afraid of the sparks, especially mine.
Talking to people about their big dreams, I’ve learned that we all have a Black Ice Fear that can be a very convenient cover for a deeper fear of something truly meaningful. The Black Ice is not your imagination. Physical challenges DO come with the territory of creating things and making them real. Things go wrong at the last minute. But that doesn’t mean that your egg isn’t supposed to hatch.
It’s worth peeking under the Black Ice to see what’s really there – fear of failure? Fear of success? Fear of realizing your dream? Fear of letting go of your story about why things are still hard? Go ahead and spill it. I’ll listen.
And then after you’ve taken a deep breath because you are not alone…
Be a freakin’ mailman.
Lord knows, the world needs all the wild, creative sparks it can get – my funky presentation, those new, wise bloggers, and, yes, your next thing, too. Please deliver it.
*Here are the notes and links from the blogging workshop.
**I understand that the proper term is “mail carrier” but my thoughts aren’t always proper.
image credit: nainil
We’ve been spending a lot of time watching the Olympics at my house and the women’s skiing has drawn the most excitement so far. My son likes the crashes and my husband tipped his hand when he remarked, “Skiing attracts very good-looking women.” How could I argue with him? The women are stunning Amazons.
All these hours of being a spectator have even touched my dream life.
Last night I dreamed that Lindsey Vonn, the women’s downhill gold medalist, had just finished competing in figure skating. The skating judges were being extremely critical of her performance. In the dream I was thinking, “Well, of course, they’re being critical. How could anyone expect her to be a great skater just because she is a gold medal skier?” And I wondered why she would even try to win a medal as a figure skater.
And, yet, don’t we each do exactly that? We have deep strengths to which we are very committed. And we are energized by pursuing them. Yet, we put ourselves in a different arena and get upset when we aren’t perfect, encouraging the Inner Critics do their thing.
I think those critics are performing an extraordinary service.
First, they help you notice where you are diverging from your strengths. When it is a conscious and deliberate choice, then enjoy the turns around the new rink and don’t worry about the critics. It doesn’t matter if you win the medal when you are experimenting and trying new ventures. In fact, it’s an essential part of innovation. Spin, jump, fall, get up. Most of all, get up. Enjoy knowing that not every outing is a competition. Try asking your critics to refrain from judging while you try your new moves.
If you’re playing outside your strengths in an unconscious way, then the critics bring that into focus and give you the opportunity to make adjustments. Never forget: there are Olympic teams. No one person could possibly compete in every sport. Why should you try to do it all when you are creating, marketing and running a business? If you love throwing yourself down the side of a mountain, then don’t feel bad if you choose to outsource the triple jumps.
photo credit: wynlok
What’s your inner Gold Medalist going after? Where do you want to try a new arena? Do you have any tricks for silencing your Inner Critic?
I am so busted.
Forming new business relationships is a delicate process, or so I thought. It usually starts with me admiring someone and then we do a little dance of getting to know each other.
A little background: until recently, I’ve had a consistent set of solid business relationships for a long time. Frequent projects with a reliable slate of partners. We were like old married people, side by side, rocking into our golden years of working together.
Now, things are changing. My business model is evolving and my interests are shifting. I’m meeting all kinds of new people that I believe “my people” can learn from too. Potential for great collaborations, right? And, if I may be so bold, I’m freakin’ good at thinking of fun things we could do together. Exciting, profitable things. So I fling ideas out there in moments of exuberance.
And they say “Sure!” and I say things like “Well, maybe you want to think about it” or “If you don’t want to, I’ll understand” or “Feel free to do this thing on your own.” Usually, ALL of those things.
Did you notice the “Sure!” part? I didn’t. Did you notice me acting like an awkward, insecure dork? I didn’t.
Today, I got busted. Lovingly and kindly busted. A dear and brilliant collaborator said, “You don’t like the fast yes, do you?” (Man, these Yankees don’t mess around!)
I was speechless. Honest to hand-knitted socks, I didn’t even know what “the fast yes” meant.
He spelled it out: “I said yes. You tried to talk me out of it. What’s up with that?”
Uhhhhh… I didn’t think someone would want to work with me so quickly? (Even though we’ve been doing this dance for several months.) I didn’t think I brought enough to the table? (Even though we both know that our skills sets are fabulously complementary.)
So I’m going public: I’m going to listen for “yes” and start saying “Great! What’s next?” instead of blubber that translates to “Are you sure? Am I good enough? Why me?”
Because, frankly, asking someone to beg is no way to move ahead in a relationship. It doesn’t honor them and it doesn’t honor me. And good business is all about good, healthy relationships.
I’m still reeling as I think about the lost opportunities because I couldn’t hear “yes.” But I won’t focus on that remorse for long. I’d rather say my own “yes” and jump into juicy new projects.
photo: ♥ellie♥
What about you? Do you hear “yes” easily? What beliefs do you need to release in order to connect with great partners?
Is your online presence energizing you or overwhelming you? Laurie Foley is an online presence coach who helps people and organizations thrive online. With more than 25 years of technology experience and 15 years as an entrepreneur, she is a resourceful and intuitive guide for those who want to flourish in a rapidly changing environment. 
