When I start to think there is something I really want to do, my first impulse is often to freeze. But there is one question that can almost instantly change my life: what is stopping me? Whenever I get stuck, all someone has to do is ask me this. The honesty flows and a shift is almost certain to occur. In my experience, there are three kinds of answers to this question: real obstacles, imagined ones, and “Oh my gosh, nothing!”
Real Obstacles
The real obstacle that I so frequently hear from people right now is “I don’t have the money.” For example, a friend really wants to go on a vacation. She is broke. Truly flat and busted. She really shouldn’t be spending money that she doesn’t have. In this case, a clear examination of the feeling she wants from a vacation can do her a lot of good in the meantime. There are very likely ways that she can achieve some of the same feelings of vacation without the expense, e.g. a picnic, a drive up to the mountains, hanging out at a friend’s pool. Looking at those desired feelings is very likely to inspire some creative action and inform her of ways that her life could be shifting in the meantime, too. Is her work worth more than she is being paid? Could she ask for more or seek more appropriate work for her qualifications? Does she need to ask for more help from her family so that she isn’t so tired at the end of each day?
The beauty of real obstacles is that they help us get very clear about what we truly want and help us find the motivation to start achieving. If my friend finds that the temporary feelings of short term breaks aren’t enough, then she can shift her focus toward planning and saving for a longer vacation. She might even find that her overall financial situation improves as she works toward a positive goal instead of trudging through debt and frustration.
Imagined Obstacles
These are my favorite. Honestly, imagined obstacles are what keep me in business and they are so fun to dissolve.
One of the most frequent objections in this category is “I don’t have time.” News flash: every person on the planet has 24 hours a day, seven days a week. No one has “enough” time. We only have the time we have. Whether you are a meth addict or Oprah, we each get to decide what to do with those 24 hours every day. We often feel that we don’t have enough time when we are engaging in activities that drain us. I spent a single session with a client recently who went from feeling completely drained by a job that is less than thrilling right now to understanding her needs and setting small action goals that completely work within the confines of her current situation. She was transformed. She went from angrily believing “I don’t have enough time” to understanding that she was putting herself last on her priority list – and having the compassion for herself to change that status. No wonder she didn’t have any time for herself! The bottom of the list never does.
Oh my gosh, nothing!
I love this answer. And you would be shocked by how often this is the truth.
I have always had a million excuses for not exercising but when I finally asked myself what was stopping me from moving more, I finally faced my “I don’t want to” attitude with a firm answer of “Oh my gosh, nothing.” And I’ve set some fun goals to keep me motivated – and moving!
“Oh my gosh, nothing!” is the antidote to the monster we imagine in the shadows. A candid examination of what is stopping you may just turn on all the right lights.
image credit: loop_oh
What situation do you have right now that deserves to be challenged with “What is stopping you?”
Are there other types of obstacles that I have overlooked?
What blocked desire have you recently answered “Oh my gosh, nothing!” to?
By Laurie Foley
Laurie Foley helps solo professionals discover their natural brand so that they can get clear, get noticed and get clients. Sign up to receive your free copy of The Inner Brandifesto, her popular guidebook full of brand-building exercises.
{ 11 comments… read them below or add one }
Great post! When I think about some of my goals and the things I’d like to get accomplish, I realize that, in reality, nothing is stopping me. That sounds great, but it then means that I’m the only one standing in my way, which puts the pressure on for sure!
Positively Present’s last blog post..100 ways to live in the moment
Dani – Thank you for taking time to leave a comment. I always appreciate your support and want to say kudos on your current post, too, “100 Ways to Live in the Moment.” We could all ask ourselves what is stopping us from doing just a few of those everyday!
As for that pressure on yourself – really? Or does the potential outcome provoke a fear? That’s just my hunch so feel free to shoot it down! If it is a fear, question it, talk to it and give it a little room to breathe. Chances are it will evaporate when exposed to air.
Laurie Foley’s last blog post..What is Stopping You?
Oh, you’re killing me! I have a big huge scary wonderful dream, but I’m not moving toward it! Your question is inspiring and scaring the s**t out of me!
Thanks.
Dani Webb’s last blog post..Can I Say Easy Yet?
@Dani – Can you say it out loud yet? “I want to…” Go ahead. My curiosity is huge.
Laurie Foley’s last blog post..What is Stopping You?
Very powerful question: “What’s stopping you… ?” I think there are probably only 2 things we ever do as coaches:
1.) help people figure out what they want
2.) help people overcome the thing they think is stopping them from having what they want
Great question to help with nr 2!
And here’s a weird meta-thing. I often find that a powerful question to help people figure out what they want is to ask them, “what’s stopping you from knowing what you want?” <— back to your powerful question!
Cath
Cath’s last blog post..Celebrations, Thanks and Stuff to Look Out For…
A candid examination of what is stopping you may just turn on all the right lights.
I appreciate your phrase, as per above. How often do we “examine” and how often are we “candid?” Monkey Mind can be such a powerful beast with which to contend. I recently read Maria Nemeth’s excellent book, “Mastering Life’s Energies” & she lists about 25 examples of Monkey Mind i.e. those darn obstacles that clog up clear thinking and action.
Anyway, another great post of yours, Laurie. Clear as a bell. A fog-buster! Thanks!
Cath – LOVE the meta question! Thank you for that.
Maura – You’re such a wonderful source of books. And you know, I LOVE Maria Nemeth. Thanks for this tip.
Laurie Foley’s last blog post..What is Stopping You?
Thanks for this. My biggest example of “nothing” problems I tend to face would be moments when I get hooked on my “identity” and feel like something I want to do would be inconsistent with it. If I were to put together a band and start playing some of the aggressive music I’ve written, that would be inconsistent with my image as this sort of tranquil mentor to people. I think it’s time to do that.
Chris, I love this example and I can relate. Thanks for your comment.
Laurie Foley’s last blog post..What is Stopping You?
I love serendipity, especially when it’s sparked by a dear friend. Just before reading this post, I was going over some old papers from one of my grad courses and read comments about a poem I’d written. My question to myself was along the lines of — “Why am I not writing poetry? Or that screenplay?” Well, it’s all about TIME. Your post smacked me in the face but good — in a GOOD (and I just typed GOD) way. It’s time to stop being stopped.
GOD way – I love it. Will look forward to reading it all from you, Leslie!