Honoring Ken

The last few days have been intensely painful. Ken, a dear friend’s husband, died earlier this week. Many have said that Ken was too young. He was. He was only 46. He was also too gifted, too creative, too smart, too productive, too dedicated, too loving and too loved to be gone so soon.

Ken and his wife, Tamara, had a remarkable marriage between best friends. Witnessing the loss of someone who was so profoundly loved by another has been like having the skin peeled off my bones.

Ken was diagnosed with esophageal cancer sixteen months ago, a disease that no one can believe he acquired much less died from. He had absolutely no known risk factors: he was young, he didn’t have acid reflux that he was aware of, he never smoked, he rarely drank, he wasn’t overweight and he ate a very healthy diet. Esophageal cancer is considered rare but its incidence is growing and the survival rates are dismal because most people learn that they have it way too late.

When Ken talked to me about his diagnosis and his symptoms, he said “I never even knew I had a problem. I just took a Tums^® occasionally.” Don’t we all?

We’ll never know exactly why Ken got esophageal cancer.  Maybe it was genetic, maybe it was exposure to something weird.  It certainly seemed random.

But some of us do have risk factors that we really, really need to be attentive to. And esophageal cancer is much more likely to strike the typical chubby, drink-a-day American, who gets a little uncomfortable after a big meal.

We’re now learning that heartburn is sometimes a disease; technically, it’s GERD (gastroesophageal reflux disease). GERD is epidemic in the United States. It’s the only warning some people will get before developing other symptoms, like difficulty swallowing, a chronic cough, or hoarseness. And those symptoms tend to come after there’s real trouble. Unfortunately, GERD is a nasty thing because you might start to feel better even though you still have it. That can mean that the lining of your esophagus has already been affected to the point where sensation changes.

If you have chronic acid reflux or you’ve seen your spouse popping antacids, please do this now: call a gastroenterologist and make an appointment today. If you’re near age 50 and getting your first colonoscopy, ask for an upper endoscopy, too. Form a relationship with a doctor that you trust. Don’t self-medicate chronic heartburn with the stuff that is advertised on TV after dinner. There are better and simple ways to effectively treat the precursor conditions of esophageal cancer.

Ken and Tamara have written extensively about their experience on Ken’s CaringBridge site. Tamara writes from a searing place that most of us would be terrified to consider, much less go. I don’t offer the link to their site lightly; I have struggled for days about whether to share any of this. But Ken’s story and Tamara’s writing are powerful. Reading it over the months has made me think about how I live, how I love. This blog business… it’s pretty fluffy until you read what Tamara has written on CaringBridge.

I decided to write about this because I dearly want constructive awareness about this brutal disease.  Maybe some meaningful momentum is possible in addition to the long process of grief.

Ken was an award-winning photographer of unique vision… a dad who walked his kids to school… an Eagle Scout who never lost his love of doing things the best way he knew how. He made one woman deliriously happy for not nearly long enough.

As much as I wish otherwise, I know we can’t lessen the pain of of those who loved Ken by even one tear. Too much was lost.

Thank you for reading this. Please honor Ken’s brilliant life by taking a moment to care for yourself and those whom you love: tell people you know about Ken and get your heartburn checked by a specialist.

A few hugs wouldn’t hurt either.