I am so busted.
Forming new business relationships is a delicate process, or so I thought. It usually starts with me admiring someone and then we do a little dance of getting to know each other.
A little background: until recently, I’ve had a consistent set of solid business relationships for a long time. Frequent projects with a reliable slate of partners. We were like old married people, side by side, rocking into our golden years of working together.
Now, things are changing. My business model is evolving and my interests are shifting. I’m meeting all kinds of new people that I believe “my people” can learn from too. Potential for great collaborations, right? And, if I may be so bold, I’m freakin’ good at thinking of fun things we could do together. Exciting, profitable things. So I fling ideas out there in moments of exuberance.
And they say “Sure!” and I say things like “Well, maybe you want to think about it” or “If you don’t want to, I’ll understand” or “Feel free to do this thing on your own.” Usually, ALL of those things.
Did you notice the “Sure!” part? I didn’t. Did you notice me acting like an awkward, insecure dork? I didn’t.
Today, I got busted. Lovingly and kindly busted. A dear and brilliant collaborator said, “You don’t like the fast yes, do you?” (Man, these Yankees don’t mess around!)
I was speechless. Honest to hand-knitted socks, I didn’t even know what “the fast yes” meant.
He spelled it out: “I said yes. You tried to talk me out of it. What’s up with that?”
Uhhhhh… I didn’t think someone would want to work with me so quickly? (Even though we’ve been doing this dance for several months.) I didn’t think I brought enough to the table? (Even though we both know that our skills sets are fabulously complementary.)
So I’m going public: I’m going to listen for “yes” and start saying “Great! What’s next?” instead of blubber that translates to “Are you sure? Am I good enough? Why me?”
Because, frankly, asking someone to beg is no way to move ahead in a relationship. It doesn’t honor them and it doesn’t honor me. And good business is all about good, healthy relationships.
I’m still reeling as I think about the lost opportunities because I couldn’t hear “yes.” But I won’t focus on that remorse for long. I’d rather say my own “yes” and jump into juicy new projects.
photo: ♥ellie♥
What about you? Do you hear “yes” easily? What beliefs do you need to release in order to connect with great partners?
Related posts:
{ 14 comments… read them below or add one }
This was a great blog. One I needed to hear as I begin my Virtual Assistance practice next month. After being a stay at home mom for 15 years, I am venturing into owning my own business. I’m excited but hesitant. Do I really have what it takes? Can I do this? Deep down inside I know I can. I’m a very competent, organized and smart women. Why do we second guess ourselves? I too will remind myself to listen for the “yes” and go for it!
@Monique – Thanks! It can be challenging when we work for ourselves but it looks like you’ve got a great mantra there: “I”m a very competent, organized and smart woman.” YES to that!
Laurie Foley´s last blog ..Don’t Make ‘Em Beg
Hey. Have you been in my head?
Because this sounds an awful lot like me. Lots of but you totally don’t have to’s. Lots of looking-at-the-ground-shuffling-my-feet.
I’m all about getting closer to being good with the YES! And this post totally helps.
Good timing too. So big thanks.
Fabeku´s last blog ..Now That’s Ninjarific #4: The Rapping Buddhist Edition
Funny, my clients do that to me. They’ll start to want me for on some project or another, and when I’m ready to schedule and commit while they’re backpedaling with “But don’t feel obligated! I understand if you’re busy!”
@Fabeku – In your head? Noooo, but glad to know I’m not alone! I’m just going to try listening for the chance to say yes. Let’s do it together.
@Revanche – This is so interesting to hear “the other side.” Would love to hear how you respond to bring everyone into alignment.
Laurie Foley´s last blog ..Don’t Make ‘Em Beg
Call it Yankee kindness.
Now my life’s work is going to be about finding a chance to slip “Honest to hand-knitted socks” into a conversation.
@David – Good luck with working that phrase in! And I’ll take your Yankee kindness ANY day. :-*
Ha! When we ask, and the Universe says YES, there’s that stutter of disbelief you describe so well…
Thanks for this lovely post, Laurie.
Hiro Boga´s last blog ..You Are…
@Hiro – Oh my! You really got me with that comment. And isn’t it always the Universe?
Laurie Foley´s last blog ..Don’t Make ‘Em Beg
Great post Laurie! So much to think about. I can’t think a specific example right now to really dig into but that vibe of “Take some time to decide” is definitely one I can own. I feel like I’ve excused it with being polite, trying to give someone room and make sure I haven’t put them in a position where they feel obligated. But what a story that is! I do find if I have spent time manifesting a partnership I don’t have too much issue with it but I think it is when inspiration strikes on the spot that I back peddle a litte. And isn’t that inspiration just the bright beautiful Universe manifesting something I’m not at all blocked on?!!!
@Hiro – so beautiful – The stutter of disbelief! I love that! I will be using that soon.
Oops, I meant to say, “when I’m ready to schedule and commit, they’re backpedaling with “But don’t feel obligated! I understand if you’re busy!””
How do I deal with it? I know we’re on the same page, and they’re not sure, so it’s really a lot simpler on my end: I’m accepting their offer, not selling my ideas (which I find immensely more challenging).
I reassure them, “If you have scheduling concerns, tell me what your needs are and I’m sure I can find a way to accommodate you. I’m interested in the project, so all we need to do is set a good time. [They're usually last minute calls.] If you give me three hours to clear my desk, we can start work then, how does that sound?
Usually there’s a deep sigh of relief, another “are you sure?” and another round of reassurance with firm closure, “Absolutely. Call me back in three hours, I’ll be waiting to hear from you.”
I’m a fledging freelancer, though, so I still find the hesitation charming and considerate of my availability, I’m not being taken for granted yet!
Revanche´s last blog ..Clearing out the closet: say yes to my dress(es)!
@Patty and @Revanche – thanks for adding your experience!
Great post! My company offers business consulting and virtual assistant services and I had this very same scenario take place for me at a networking event. I was talking and brainstorming and had people nodding and saying yes – and didn’t even acknowledge that they were SOLD! LOL….sometimes we forget the value of the services that we provide. This post really drilled that home for me. Thanks!
Lisa / Next Level VA´s last blog ..Welcome To Our New Website!
Laurie – you’re so on target here! How often do we slow down for green lights and speed up for yellows?
I’ve had this happen twice recently, when I was reaching out for feedback on art and had someone ignore my questions and essentially pull out the checkbook. Since I wasn’t trying to make a sale, in the first case, I literally pushed back, still trying to get some market intel. Luckily, the client prevailed. In the second place, I overlooked entirely the question, “can I buy this?” in an email, and let it go unanswered for days! Talk about boneheaded!
Patrick Bryant´s last blog ..In Progress: Reprise