I’m not making progress.
I’m overwhelmed.
Everyone is making more money than I am.
I call that thrashing. We look around at everyone else’s business and sink like a stone when we start playing those competitive head games.
I’ve done it. I’ve felt green with envy to my bones.
The worst part about thrashing is what comes next: the grasping. We change course to ride in the draft of the people who are making us green. They are all too happy to dangle a “pay now” button that feels like touching a lucky totem when we click it.
We think if we just do what they do then our story will look as flashy as their story.
Except…
It’s not our story. We’ll always look like a watered-down copy, or worse, just plain confused.
I’ve been there. My brand was as weak as church coffee. You’re not alone.
After the grasping comes a very interesting moment: the choice. Lots of people quit. They equate all that thrashing and grasping with trying. “I tried, but it didn’t work,” they say. The thrashing and grasping is exhausting. Quitting their business feels like a relief.
But others simply choose to quit thrashing and grasping.
They get very quiet. They go into their core. They get clear on what matters. They start to focus on value.
They stop looking at their business as what it can bring them and look at it as what it can bring others.
What wildly valuable thing can you bring others? You’ll never find that while you’re thrashing or grasping. So go ahead and choose: quit your biz or quit thrashing and grasping.
Either way you’re going to feel better.
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By Laurie Foley
I'm Laurie Foley and I help solo professionals like you discover your natural brand so that you can get clear, get noticed and get clients. Please request your free copy of The Inner Brandifesto, my popular guidebook full of brand-building exercises.
{ 13 comments… read them below or add one }
This was my exact story this week. I got tempted, which turned into distraction, which hijacked my whole week. And it all happened on Facebook, so I can’t even vent about it there. Now to get back to my core!
Man, I love this post!!!
It’s the making it through the thrashing and grasping that is at the heart of business building for coaches, teachers, healers, eh? To me, it seems almost like a right of passage (that’s how it felt to me, anyway, when I was going through it!!!) Perhaps if people could view it that way, with some compassion and understanding that it’s part of the process for many of us, it would help us drop into the stillness and quiet of going to the core SOONER to discover the wellspring of value and service that is all right there, just waiting to be expressed.
Thanks for posting this Laurie!! You are the best!!
xoxo.n
Nona´s last [type] ..Business Yogini Rx- Breathing into Fear
Oh, you are telling my story! “My name is Sue and I’m a PayPal-aholic” You said just what I needed to hear this week after several weeks of listening to the “gurus”.
While I’ve never thrashed or grasped myself (hahahahaha… I crack myself up… ), Amen and Amen! Thanks for your post, Laurie, and to what Nona says about it being a rite of passage. I so don’t want to go back there. Great reminder for a day when/if I’m tempted to dip my toe back in that pool. : )
Jennifer Voss´s last [type] ..May You Be Playful
Blurt! No wait, make that Super-Blurt!
Nothing like the sound of a nail being hit squarely on the head.
@Hilary – Bless your heart! I hate it when Facebook shows its dark side.
@Nona & @JVo – YES! Rite of Passage is it!! That is so true. Very glad I had y’all on the Crazy Bus with me for that part of the ride.
@Sue – YOU are a guru. I’ve seen it. Your Golden Hour stuff is genius.
@David – hahaha! superblurt! My new brand
. Hugs to you!
Laurie Foley´s last [type] ..Thrashing and Grasping
Bingo Laurie, you really hit the nail on the head with this post. Been there done that, three times to be exact with the whole internet marketing phenomena. Until I ‘got it’ that I’m not a sales person, I don’t care how good the fruit juice, soap powder, vitamins, jewelry, personal growth courses or what ever is. . . . . I’m not interested in up lines or down lines but rather getting to the bottom line – which for me is all about doing exactly what I’ve been doing for most of my adult life, supporting people realizing and actualizing their fullest potential and creating beauty in the world.
My branding has of course changed and the content of my work upgraded to reflect current times, but my heart is still in the same place. As soon as I realized that ‘getting rich quick’ by doing what I didn’t want to do, so as I would have ‘enough’ money to relax into what I did want to do, wasn’t working for me, I switched gears.
This epiphany took about year in time and the equivilent of a King’s ransom before it dawned on me. But at the point at which I stopped thrashing and let go of grasping I started thriving. Phew, what a load off.
Pure Brilliance Laurie!! It makes me think about “The Dip” by Seth Godin too. I love your clarity and your message. Love, Helen
Helen Samson Mullen´s last [type] ..Stuck on How
@Ah, Alison – I feel your clarity! Kudos to you.
@Helen – The Dip has been on my mind, too. “Dip” sounds so much more fun though – chip and dip, dip of ice cream…
oh Laurie…i so needed to read your post this week. so glad there’s a name for my ailment…and so glad i’m not alone in it!
stacey beth shulman´s last [type] ..What Are You Doing With Your Body
The looming of April 15th brought the sad realization home to me, via my lovely (and un-critical) tax-preparer of a husband. In 2010 I thrashed and grasped to the tune of thousands of dollars. Which all felt very worth it at the time…valuable…ESSENTIAL. Seriously! I needed to push all those paypal buttons in order to get what I needed to succeed! Finally, this week, I made the choice to go to my core, get quiet, decide what’s really essential, and determine how I can be of true service with my business. Thanks for posting a great piece that is helping me be less critical of myself, because as your post and all these comments attest, I am in GREAT company of those who’ve come out the other side of all that thrashing and grasping. Hope abounds…
Dear Laurie et al – this post and the comments (Nona slammed it out of the park) described in words my experience this week. I signed up for a course that seemed like it was going to get me “more clients, more easily, more connected/funneled/linked/zapped into the coaching stratosphere” Arrrgh! The thrashing part of me thought it felt necessary to increase my internet skills (which are still behind the times) and it also felt pushy and too good to be true. After one module I asked for my money back. Hated it. I will get there the way that feels best to me. Thanks to people like you and Nona Jordan I have a new website that is going to be all me and not “visual cacophany” (description per Kelly Pratt).
FaceBook is like nuclear power – good and bad. This week I got pointed to and watched Eric Whitacre’s virtual choir – utterly breathtaking. The next day I got “chatted up” by a social media person who only wanted my business.
Laurie, you are simply awesome. Thank you for holding steady.
A refreshing voice of reason to say the least! I’m in start-up. With over 20 years working in corporate information systems to process optimization in several sectors, I’m brand spanking new to the entrepreneur scene, a fish out of water experience for me.
I’ve observed several creative solopreneurs struggle. They all seem to get that they need to implement systems, but are often at a loss HOW. Many times I have grieved not getting to them before they hit the dang “bright shiny” button – the one that does not solve all of their issues, like its sales page says it will. As I sit back and watch, I am amazed at how many courses, marketing “key” strategies, coaching services, and events are purchased by the same people. It’s a desperation I’ve not seen before. It’s not purposeful, like batting at the wind. With the amount of money being spent, how on earth are these businesses making any money themselves?
I’m so excited to see your post and eZine. Getting quiet… going into our core, and connecting to what matters is such great advice! Not always following, not worrying about the other gal, not “waiting for a rescue”… My hat’s off to you for bringing out a much needed topic. I sent someone away the other day that wanted to pay me to create for them something that they didn’t realize they already had. They just needed a slight twist. In my short time I have seen too many out there take a contract like that rather than redirect this lost woman in a direction less lucrative for them
After hearing your name and Nona’s repeatedly, it’s a pleasure to have tasted a bit of what you have to offer. Cheers!