Claim and Proclaim

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“I have found the paradox, that if you love until it hurts, there can be no more hurt, only more love.”
 ~ Mother Teresa

Granmyrt and my grandfather with me, 49 years ago

Yesterday I was opening the mail and it was a mix of sympathy cards and birthday cards. Two weeks ago today I lost part of my heart: Granmyrt, my beloved grandmother, died. Today, I’m turning 50. It feels very surreal.

Since my grandmother quit driving a few years ago, she stopped sending many greeting cards. But every year for my birthday, card or not, I would get a short handwritten note from her, full of sincere wishes for a happy birthday and instructions to treat myself with the gift she enclosed.

She signed those notes just like she ended every conversation: “I love you the most.”

You could say it was her tagline. She said it to me thousands of times. She said it to my sisters, and she said it to her five great-grandchildren every time they talked. Every hug, every phone call, and even in the hospital for every Skype chat until a few days before she died, she’d say it again: “I love you the most.” We would banter it back and forth, increasingly emphasizing “YOU” as if it were an arm wrestling match to see who would triumph in the tournament of affection.

It’s been such a constant exchange that I have no memory of when we first started saying it to each other. Now I can’t think of her without my heart hearing “I love you the most.” She imprinted us with extreme love, joy, caring, kindness, generosity, and acceptance.

When we commit to loving someone wholeheartedly and accept love in return, we take a risk: one of us will grieve mightily someday. The magnitude of my grief right now is only a sign of how deep her impact on me will always be. Like the facets cut into a raw diamond, eventually this mourning will shape me to reflect light in ways that are both delicate and divinely precise. For now, I’m patiently on the grinding stone.

If I could have one birthday wish, it’s this: claim and proclaim your love for those closest to you. Sign your notes that way. Write it on the memo line of the checks you send them. Tell them thousands of times. Don’t hang up without saying it again. Whisper it in their ear next time you give them a hug.

No matter what details of Granmyrt’s life or our time together are eventually lost to memory, “I love you the most” is etched on me forever. That’s a pretty amazing gift on this milestone birthday.

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By Laurie Foley

I'm Laurie Foley and I help solo professionals like you discover your natural brand so that you can get clear, get noticed and get clients. Please request your free copy of The Inner Brandifesto, my popular guidebook full of brand-building exercises.