If I were a priest, I’d have a confessional just for people with Gadget Sins.  And I’d be first in line to confess.

(OMG, she said “Sin!” Is this blog turning religious? Will I be offended if I keep reading this??)

Not exactly. And maybe.*

Let’s talk about sin for a minute. I’ve noticed that most people do not want to talk about sin. We’re either stuck in guilt or quick to say “you’re not the boss of me, God.” Either way, that feels bad. No wonder people don’t want to talk about it.

What if we stop thinking about how we feel just for a minute and consider what we are doing?

My over-simplified opinion is that sin is any action that separates us from God. Part of how we experience the divine is in relationships with each other: we love each other even when we’re hard to love and we share what God has given us. Ergo, if we’re really stinking it up in our relationships, we’re not choosing to experiencing divine love at its fullest.

Recently, I had a wake-up call about this kind of disconnect when someone told me that she was painfully frustrated with her husband and his Gadget Du Jour. Their young child said “Dad misses a lot.”

Wow.

It was a piercing feeling to know that my family could say the same thing.

I had to ask myself: what am I doing that is not honoring my personal relationships and could be harming my connection with God?  What am I putting ahead of my relationships?

Sometimes, it’s being obsessed with gadgets. I love things that fit in my hand and light up and fetch email and play games remotely and take messages and tweet and vibrate when something vaguely notification-worthy happens. But, at times, I have put gadgets and their bright-shiny distractiliciousness ahead of dear, living, breathing people. I have Gadget Sinned.

Are we really in love with gadgets? No, we’re just smitten with the sense of power that they offer and the way that they reinforce certain beliefs, like…

We must stay connected to get the job done!

We must be available 24/7 for people to consider us reliable!

We must not drop the ball!

Guess what? Big, fat lies. Big, fat, unsustainable, suffering-laden lies. At least for me.

Why do we believe the lies? Because they keep us feeling busy (or in control or significant) instead of feeling the gaping question, “What have I been missing?”

Here’s my truth:

I will disconnect and get the job done.  (I can’t surf/tweet/facebook and write, for example.)

I choose not to be available 24/7, but I can be reliable by setting expectations that I can realistically honor.

I will definitely drop the ball, because I’m human. And I can make amends and improve every time that I do.

There is a silver lining to sin: we get to learn from it. I think sin exists as a constructive way to help us grow, not to make us feel guilty or unworthy. The pain of it makes us crave reunion with pure, divine love. That’s a powerful motivator for me!

If we can ride out the pain of asking what we have been missing and forgive ourselves and each other for letting that pain lead us into distraction, then miracles abound.

Those miracles are warm, squishy, sometimes good-smelling, sometimes poop-making, make-you-feel-alive people.

People who love you. Tender people who want your love. Generous people who want to love you back. People whose spirits are much brighter and shinier than any gadget or the false buzz that it offers.

Don’t worry about leaving a comment. Unplug and go hug somebody instead.

*For what it’s worth, I’m an enthusiastic Episcopalian who is constantly curious to see how God works in and around us. I’m not dogmatic about faith, especially other people’s.

Yesterday, I did something that I truly love: gave a workshop about blogging*. Offering it at my local library made it all the more yummy for me because I believe public libraries are one of the greatest inventions ever.

But Mother Nature almost spoiled it – it’s March in Atlanta and IT SNOWED. It’s supposed to be spring!  The signs are here: warmer light, daffodil tips, hopeful buds.

All day, I wondered if the library would close early and cancel the program. And part of me wished it would:  snow, sleet, panic!

As a native Southerner, I am terrified of driving in winter weather. I have an over-the-top fear of the dreaded Black Ice. My Inner PowerPoint flashed images of me skidding off in a ditch and hiking out with my laptop and my projector bag.

And then I had a thought: I am going to be a freakin’ mailman**.

“Neither snow nor rain nor heat nor gloom of night stays these couriers from the swift completion of their appointed rounds.”

I had an appointed round and I was determined to be that courier. The Black Ice Fear wasn’t gone but I asked it nicely to, well, chill. I was willing. I was open. I wanted to deliver the goods much, much more than I wanted to be scared of ice that might not even be there.

About a dozen wonderful people summoned their mettle and made it to the presentation. I learned a huge thing from them: wise, older women are about to BUST OUT as bloggers. They had great questions and inspiring topics. The energy of the group left me buzzing. If I had choked and canceled early, well, that would have been tragic. Not über-evening-news-tragic, just tragic that our sparks would have missed each other.

This pattern of dreaming about doing something truly sparky and then hitting the crazy Black Ice Fear at the moment of fruition is totally predictable. And, yet, it’s so easy to consistently be shocked when it happens.

Here’s my confession: deep down, I had a fear of something worse than Black Ice. I was afraid of the sparks, especially mine.

Talking to people about their big dreams, I’ve learned that we all have a Black Ice Fear that can be a very convenient cover for a deeper fear of something truly meaningful. The Black Ice is not your imagination. Physical challenges DO come with the territory of creating things and making them real. Things go wrong at the last minute. But that doesn’t mean that your egg isn’t supposed to hatch.

It’s worth peeking under the Black Ice to see what’s really there – fear of failure? Fear of success? Fear of realizing your dream? Fear of letting go of your story about why things are still hard? Go ahead and spill it. I’ll listen.

And then after you’ve taken a deep breath because you are not alone…

Be a freakin’ mailman.

Lord knows, the world needs all the wild, creative sparks it can get – my funky presentation, those new, wise bloggers, and, yes, your next thing, too. Please deliver it.

*Here are the notes and links from the blogging workshop.
**I understand that the proper term is “mail carrier” but my thoughts aren’t always proper.

image credit: nainil

We’ve been spending a lot of time watching the Olympics at my house and the women’s skiing has drawn the most excitement so far.  My son likes the crashes and my husband tipped his hand when he remarked, “Skiing attracts very good-looking women.”  How could I argue with him?  The women are stunning Amazons.

All these hours of being a spectator have even touched my dream life.

Last night I dreamed that Lindsey Vonn, the women’s downhill gold medalist, had just finished competing in figure skating. The skating judges were being extremely critical of her performance.  In the dream I was thinking, “Well, of course, they’re being critical. How could anyone expect her to be a great skater just because she is a gold medal skier?” And I wondered why she would even try to win a medal as a figure skater.

And, yet, don’t we each do exactly that? We have deep strengths to which we are very committed. And we are energized by pursuing them.  Yet, we put ourselves in a different arena and get upset when we aren’t perfect, encouraging the Inner Critics do their thing.

I think those critics are performing an extraordinary service.

First, they help you notice where you are diverging from your strengths. When it is a conscious and deliberate choice, then enjoy the turns around the new rink and don’t worry about the critics. It doesn’t matter if you win the medal when you are experimenting and trying new ventures. In fact, it’s an essential part of innovation. Spin, jump, fall, get up. Most of all, get up. Enjoy knowing that not every outing is a competition. Try asking your critics to refrain from judging while you try your new moves.

If you’re playing outside your strengths in an unconscious way, then the critics bring that into focus and give you the opportunity to make adjustments. Never forget: there are Olympic teams.  No one person could possibly compete in every sport.  Why should you try to do it all when you are creating, marketing and running a business? If you love throwing yourself down the side of a mountain, then don’t feel bad if you choose to outsource the triple jumps.

photo credit: wynlok

What’s your inner Gold Medalist going after? Where do you want to try a new arena? Do you have any tricks for silencing your Inner Critic?

I am so busted.

Forming new business relationships is a delicate process, or so I thought. It usually starts with me admiring someone and then we do a little dance of getting to know each other.

A little background: until recently, I’ve had a consistent set of solid business relationships for a long time. Frequent projects with a reliable slate of partners. We were like old married people, side by side, rocking into our golden years of working together.

Now, things are changing. My business model is evolving and my interests are shifting. I’m meeting all kinds of new people that I believe “my people” can learn from too. Potential for great collaborations, right? And, if I may be so bold, I’m freakin’ good at thinking of fun things we could do together. Exciting, profitable things.  So I fling ideas out there in moments of exuberance.

And they say “Sure!” and I say things like “Well, maybe you want to think about it” or “If you don’t want to, I’ll understand” or “Feel free to do this thing on your own.” Usually, ALL of those things.

Did you notice the “Sure!” part? I didn’t. Did you notice me acting like an awkward, insecure dork? I didn’t.

Today, I got busted. Lovingly and kindly busted. A dear and brilliant collaborator said, “You don’t like the fast yes, do you?” (Man, these Yankees don’t mess around!)

I was speechless. Honest to hand-knitted socks, I didn’t even know what “the fast yes” meant.

He spelled it out: “I said yes. You tried to talk me out of it. What’s up with that?”

Uhhhhh… I didn’t think someone would want to work with me so quickly? (Even though we’ve been doing this dance for several months.) I didn’t think I brought enough to the table? (Even though we both know that our skills sets are fabulously complementary.)

So I’m going public: I’m going to listen for “yes” and start saying “Great! What’s next?” instead of blubber that translates to “Are you sure? Am I good enough? Why me?”

Because, frankly, asking someone to beg is no way to move ahead in a relationship. It doesn’t honor them and it doesn’t honor me. And good business is all about good, healthy relationships.

I’m still reeling as I think about the lost opportunities because I couldn’t hear “yes.” But I won’t focus on that remorse for long. I’d rather say my own “yes” and jump into juicy new projects.

photo:  ♥ellie♥

What about you? Do you hear “yes” easily? What beliefs do you need to release in order to connect with great partners?

At a Boy Scout ceremony last weekend, one of the new Eagle Scouts reminisced about building fires as a scout. So many fires of all kinds of wood. You could feel that he had loved every fire and he said that those fires would continue burning throughout his life as a result of his scout experiences.

In just a few seconds, a few sentences, an 18-year-old young man made the whole audience nostalgic for campfires. We could picture him as a young scout learning how to build those fires and we could imagine him as an older man, building fires with his own sons and grandsons, and sharing memories with them.

We felt something.

It’s an evocative branding story and the campfire is a significant icon of the scouting brand. The scouts are all about teaching boys life skills and every camping trip includes one of those campfires. That campfire is a key part of the brand experience for scouts: they work hard, they play hard, and when darkness comes, they gather, cook around a flame and keep that fire going for hours – for warmth, for entertainment. It wouldn’t be a scout camping experience without that campfire.

What is the campfire of your brand?
What is the centerpiece of your brand experience that draws people in?
How are you making people feel something about your brand by creating an experience?

Maybe you don’t have a raging fire or even a spark yet. There’s nothing wrong with picking up kindling to get started.

photo credit: zaps06

I am not a good housekeeper. In fact, getting a dog was the best thing that ever happened to our kitchen floor.

However, I do have an active fantasy life about being a fine housekeeper and, as in any good fantasy, I am thrilled by richly drawn characters. The star of my housekeeping fantasy is The Swiffer®.

Lean styling, no need for a power outlet, and a sexy little swivel to get the job done.

Occasionally, that’s what your online presence needs, too, because, admit it, a few corners of your online kitchen have got, well, hairballs.

It’s time to swiffer your online presence. We’re not talking about redesigning your whole website; just a quick fluff of the main ways that people are likely to find you. And it won’t take much more time than swiffering your kitchen. Ready?

First, Google yourself.
Put your name in quotes to get the most accurate results. Are those results as shiny as you would like? Are you surprised by what appeared?

Now that Facebook is indexing more things into Google by default, you may be less comfortable with what is visible to the whole world. This doesn’t mean you need to abandon Facebook; just take a few minutes to smooth out your privacy settings. When you are logged into Facebook, click “Settings” then “Privacy Settings” on the drop-down menu. Choose who you really want to see your information in your various profile settings. I prefer the “Only Friends” setting. “Friends of Friends” is pretty darned broad in the extended world online.

On the “Search” section of the Privacy Settings, you can set your Facebook search results and your “Public Search” results – this means Google! I decided that I do want to be found within Facebook but I’ve turned off public search for now.

Next, take a quick swipe at your social networking profiles.
What are your most active social networks? Which ones showed up in that Google search? Did some show up that you don’t intend to use anymore and could delete?

Assuming you’re on the Big Three, sign onto Facebook, Twitter and LinkedIn and just peek at your profiles on each. Do you have profile info that is current and relevant? Do you have a consistent, recognizable photo? Have you deleted things like your birth year on Facebook to minimize your risk of identity theft?

I hadn’t been as active on LinkedIn lately and was mortified at how much my profile looked like something that rolled under the fridge a year ago. It took a little scrubbing but the results are much more appetizing.

Lastly, set up Google Alerts.
You can activate this brilliant tool in just seconds to help you monitor your name, your brand and any other terms that interest you – with the results automatically delivered via email! Melanie Nelson has written a very clear description on Blogher about how to set up your Google alerts.

Crushed cereal debris…poof!  Dusty corners…poof! Give yourself 15 minutes for a little online swiffering. You’ll be amazed by how much more effective your online presence can be with just a quick swipe now and then.

Do you have other ideas or questions about freshening your online presence?

image credit: nguarracino

It was such fun interviewing David last week that we extended our conversation for more ideas about personal branding. Here’s Part 2 with Davd S. Cohen, Brand Therapist, from Equation Arts, @davidscohen.

Listen to Personal Branding with David S. Cohen, Part 2

In this chat we covered:

• What does it mean to be intentional about personal branding?
• How your brand follows you around
• How being human adds value to your brand
• Pitfalls of personal branding
• What being uncomfortable about your brand really means
• Who is in control of your brand?
• How to discover your brand
• How your brand is like a tree
• …or is your brand a tumbleweed?
• How your brand can be a magnet and a filter
• Committing to your brand
• And a few impromptu case studies…

Have you checked out David’s class? Personal Branding Fundamentals: Be a Beacon. I love the idea of the “Personal Pitch Clinic” and highly recommend David as an engaging teacher and thinker.

I’m sure that David and I will do this again – what questions would you like for us to address?

When my son was born, someone gave us this handcrafted, giraffe measuring thingy. I thought it was so clever because I couldn’t imagine that we would be in the same house all these years later. I was thrilled that it would let us carry memories wherever we might end up instead of leaving the tick marks on the pantry door jamb.

But when the giraffe came out this January, I was bummed. It was clearly too short for our growing son.

Happily, my husband had imagination – and some scrap wood and a hammer. He added an extension.

The real fun of the giraffe isn’t the annual measuring; it’s the annual remembering. And the noticing of leaps. We laugh and celebrate what was going on at each tick mark. Growth isn’t just the inches; it’s the milestones of getting potty trained, attending kindergarten, starting Little League and the first summer of going to sleep-away camp.

What if we had dropped this tradition because the giraffe was outgrown – for lack of imagination? Frankly, the giraffe probably wouldn’t have come out again for who knows how long. I might not have thought about the measuring stick but deep inside I would have missed the ritual of noticing and remembering.

In my business I measure all kinds of things: revenue, expenses, subscribers, client hours, products created, development hours, enrollment in programs, number of blog posts, and more. It’s easy to get discouraged in a solo business by what is lacking because, believe me, something is always lacking. Got enough time? Got enough help? Got a fresh printer cartridge just when you need it?

Happily, I have a broad range of measures to help me notice where positive shifts are occurring.

If I am committed to bringing imagination to my business, then just like the board hammered onto the giraffe, there will always be a conscious place for noticing leaps that can encourage me: a new friend on Twitter, an email inquiry for services, my weekly progress on this blog. Little by little, those tick marks do appear.

Do you have a “giraffe” to help you record and celebrate important parts of your life? Have you committed your imagination to where you want to grow? What leaps are you noticing?

I’m launching a new, occasional series this week: Conversations with Smart People.

Why? Just because I think these people create fun conversations and they offer something of particular value for people who want to thrive online.

This week is Part One of my conversation with Davd S. Cohen, Brand Therapist, from Equation Arts, @davidscohen.

I love talking to David about personal branding because (a) he comes up with wonderful metaphors and (b) I always come away with a good idea about how to clarify my brand and how to help my clients do the same.

Listen to Personal Branding with David S. Cohen

In this chat we covered a lot:

• What is a “brand therapist”?
• Why is personal branding hot?
• What is creating the pressure to have a personal brand?
• What is “Job One” of branding?
• What does it mean to be recognized?
• How to distinguish yourself to earn attention?
• Should you focus on your audience or what you have to offer?
• Is it enough to be “adequate”?
• How do you specialize in an emerging profession?
• How do you prove the value of the difference in what you offer?
• How do you propagate your brand in your own way?

All mixed in with cubbyholes, gourmet catsup, fashion catwalks, professional poker players and lemonade stands!

David is launching a class I highly recommend: Personal Branding Fundamentals: Be a Beacon. It will be a great chance to get clear about creating your own brand and he even has an option for his “Personal Pitch Clinic.”  Check it out.

I would love to hear your answers to these questions in the comments.

The last few days have been intensely painful. Ken, a dear friend’s husband, died earlier this week. Many have said that Ken was too young. He was. He was only 46. He was also too gifted, too creative, too smart, too productive, too dedicated, too loving and too loved to be gone so soon.

Ken and his wife, Tamara, had a remarkable marriage between best friends. Witnessing the loss of someone who was so profoundly loved by another has been like having the skin peeled off my bones.

Ken was diagnosed with esophageal cancer sixteen months ago, a disease that no one can believe he acquired much less died from. He had absolutely no known risk factors: he was young, he didn’t have acid reflux that he was aware of, he never smoked, he rarely drank, he wasn’t overweight and he ate a very healthy diet. Esophageal cancer is considered rare but its incidence is growing and the survival rates are dismal because most people learn that they have it way too late.

When Ken talked to me about his diagnosis and his symptoms, he said “I never even knew I had a problem. I just took a Tums^® occasionally.” Don’t we all?

We’ll never know exactly why Ken got esophageal cancer.  Maybe it was genetic, maybe it was exposure to something weird.  It certainly seemed random.

But some of us do have risk factors that we really, really need to be attentive to. And esophageal cancer is much more likely to strike the typical chubby, drink-a-day American, who gets a little uncomfortable after a big meal.

We’re now learning that heartburn is sometimes a disease; technically, it’s GERD (gastroesophageal reflux disease). GERD is epidemic in the United States. It’s the only warning some people will get before developing other symptoms, like difficulty swallowing, a chronic cough, or hoarseness. And those symptoms tend to come after there’s real trouble. Unfortunately, GERD is a nasty thing because you might start to feel better even though you still have it. That can mean that the lining of your esophagus has already been affected to the point where sensation changes.

If you have chronic acid reflux or you’ve seen your spouse popping antacids, please do this now: call a gastroenterologist and make an appointment today. If you’re near age 50 and getting your first colonoscopy, ask for an upper endoscopy, too. Form a relationship with a doctor that you trust. Don’t self-medicate chronic heartburn with the stuff that is advertised on TV after dinner. There are better and simple ways to effectively treat the precursor conditions of esophageal cancer.

Ken and Tamara have written extensively about their experience on Ken’s CaringBridge site. Tamara writes from a searing place that most of us would be terrified to consider, much less go. I don’t offer the link to their site lightly; I have struggled for days about whether to share any of this. But Ken’s story and Tamara’s writing are powerful. Reading it over the months has made me think about how I live, how I love. This blog business… it’s pretty fluffy until you read what Tamara has written on CaringBridge.

I decided to write about this because I dearly want constructive awareness about this brutal disease.  Maybe some meaningful momentum is possible in addition to the long process of grief.

Ken was an award-winning photographer of unique vision… a dad who walked his kids to school… an Eagle Scout who never lost his love of doing things the best way he knew how. He made one woman deliriously happy for not nearly long enough.

As much as I wish otherwise, I know we can’t lessen the pain of of those who loved Ken by even one tear. Too much was lost.

Thank you for reading this. Please honor Ken’s brilliant life by taking a moment to care for yourself and those whom you love: tell people you know about Ken and get your heartburn checked by a specialist.

A few hugs wouldn’t hurt either.